Crying!

Wonder why crying can make you feel better? It doesn't change anything, it doesn't have the ability to move mountains, or bring rainbows with little Irish men ready to fill your bank account. Crying doesn't produce healing or cause dreams to come true. So what is it all about? Why is it, when we get in a tough situation or feel a little depressed we find ourselves crying and then felling like we can get back up again. Even if it is for a little while. It is the tears? Is it the processing that goes on through the sobbing and complaining? Is it the emotional outlet that relieves the pressure valve of worry, sorrow, and fear? I am not sure. Crying has never solved a problem for me (eventhough I have done plenty of it) but it has brought me some comfort. Crazy? maybe not. Today is a good day to cry for me. Six years ago Pete and I lost 5 precious children because of some stupid mistakes. I cried so much that day. My heart broke in so many pieces I begged for God to take my life. I thought that it was just not worth living it in pain. God didn't honor my request. I am so glad that he did not. That day changed me forever, Pete too! I have cried so many tears over those children throughout the years. The tears represented my fears, shame, depression, and sorrow at first, but later on my tears were prayers of joy, rejoicing, and love because God had given me peace. You know the kind that passes all understanding. Today I may cry a little. I may think about the time lost and the moments shared. I may think about what might have been and how I have changed. Tears may be accompanied with snot and ugly faces but my heart will go on singing God's praises. Because I believe that crying is a process of letting down our walls we build and allowing God to father us and hold us and bring us into his peace and his comfort.

Thank you Lord for holding me while I cry.